Transformation comes with pain and strain…………

Have you ever wondered; if it was possible where would you be right now? What assets and investments would there be under your name? and many more. Those are only wishes, if they were horses………….

Sometimes I sit back and reflect back on the old days, my past, the paths I have trodden along. I look back at the small steps I have progressively made; I remember all the pain, anguish, hurting moments and the bad memories that sometimes haunts me.Growing up as a little girl, life had no meaning, I mean I lived only because am alive. It was thrilling making new discoveries and exploration at each milestone I passed. Days of my childhood had been the best, having a small happy family around you, a Granny who always pampered me with sweet goodies simply because I had her name painted on my face wherever I went.

All this was brought to a halt by the cruelty of nature that took toll over my parents marriage and it slowly drifted apart leaving separation of what had once been a happy matrimony. Life took a new face, days of pain, anguish, hurt, rejection set a new pace in our lives. I was affected badly amidst my siblings who were young to understand what it would be like for my parents separating. Only my elder brother who I think choose to swallow the pain at a later stage suffered psychologically being the head he knew what the future would unfold.

It became so difficult to adjust, Dad who is a primary school turned into a `D.D.O` I mean a Daily Drinking Officer, he neglected his responsibilities as a Dad, he stopped paying our school fees plus he also couldn’t provide our basic necessities. Life can be unbearable at times, we had to harden and survive. Mum who is a tailor had rented a single room to make ends meet and at least bring to the table what she could really afford. I couldn’t sit there and watch her struggle with us when Dad squandered every single penny he would grab on cheap liquor, so me and my brother went back at his place.

Things got worse making us to move to our Grandpa`s house by that time Granny had passed on. Luckily Grandpa had accumulated a lot of wealth in his younger years and he took the challenge of raising his grandchildren. We had relatives who we could run to but it only could leave mixed reactions behind our backs. I swore to myself that no matter what I would work hard and proof people wrong and make my Grandpa proud who offered to even pay our school fees. It was tough growing up without a father figure and Mom not around, sort of the latter has somehow affected my personality especially when it comes to matters to do with love.

I am a high school teacher, I made it to the University and graduated despite all that shit. But there are things I have knelt and cried to God to at least change. One of them and what has haunted me for so long; seeing my family reunite and happy as it was once. Two,my Dad recovering from being an alcohol addict and gaining back his good reputation. Three, God to keep my Grandpa who is 96 years old who happens to be my hero for long so that he may live to celebrate my success.

I have so much going on, so much to put down but today I beg to stop here. I am thinking out loudly I bet.